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The Vitae Files- A Variegated Catching Up

anklevine- two years ago…

I am wide awake while most of the world sleeps. I can hear some late night party people pass by on the street below, but even they are quiet compared to how I feel inside.

Seattle is a city on an incline. Truly, hills abound where you would not ever expect a hill to appear. Significant Grade is what they call the steep ones- Significant Grade, I marvel at how that sounds. I feel I am earning a Significant Grade by simply being here. It’s life, it’s mine and I’ve been saving it for so long it terrifies and exhilarates me to think about actually grabbing it and living it. I am so close to this precipice that I can taste the salty water and I thirst for more. How long have I been in the shadows of what is real and waiting for me?

Earlier this evening I walked into a New Agey Metaphysical shop to hear a confrontation between the store clerk- a magical black-haired dread-locked olive toned woman with facial henna—and a patron who clearly frequented the shop. He was musing on his own self, something he must do often, and asking her questions to clarify himself. She was reaching her limit of patience with him and stole a side glance at me. She smiled, took a breath and said, “You try my patience. Maybe it isn’t all about you. Perhaps you are looking too far into yourself and you should take a step out and try to help someone else.” It was an epiphany for her and it was exciting to be present for her joy. I was impressed how she took a breath and kept her cool and truly hoped he had heard her. I was her new best friend in that moment and sometimes all you need is a moment.

I float through Capitol Hill, my newest neighborhood, hugging its urban rhythm close to my heart. Feeling safe among the riff raff and yuppies and grungers who didn’t get the memo that grunge died with Kurt Cobain. Everyone has their eyes on the street, how could harm find me? But is being safe the answer, or a scapegoat? There is no Capitol, that’s down in Olympia, but it feels right; a touch of its Denver namesake, a dash of New York, a thimble full of New England and a whole blender worth of Seattle. As I walk home from the market- the Space Needle is my view. I smile as it guides me home and marvel at how my legs are no longer sore from my fourth floor walk up and the hills I endure back and forth. How adaptable we humans are. It is nice to be in the bustling part of a city again. One where the night can own you and you aren’t alone.

Even still as I write this, there is a candle burning a sweet ginger essence in my soul. I had hoped to discover a sweeping passion for this town, but I must confess- I am yearning for something big and I don’t know if I’ll find it in this town. I am embarrassed by my greed for life. But, as my new store clerk friend put it, my patience has been tried. I have been here in the present, unpacked and grounded for several months. Is there any town that matches my desire, or are all of these stirrings destined to dwell within? Has my soaring spirit landed, or is it time to take flight?

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